03-12-10

I am reading this book by Wendy Alec, called Journal of the Unknown Prophet; A Visitation of Jesus Christ. Though I am behind in my daily devotions as I tend to forget to put God first quite a bit...I admit. Some days I forget completely to give him some time. If I were God..I would have left me along time ago..I wouldn't have wanted to be friends with someone who always forgets about me and never gives me the time of day. But thank GOD..I am not...God is not like that..he forgives and his love is unconditional for me. No matter how much time I spend away from, he is still their by my side..waiting for me, holding me when I need it and protecting me. What a awesome God we have.
Yehovah...your love blows me away every day. When I stop to think about what a forgiving and loving God you are..I find myself near weeping and in awe of your presence. I am not deserving of your love, yet you love me anyway. I sin everyday against you and yet when I ask to be forgiven, you wipe my slate clean and we start fresh. There is none like you Father..Oh Messiah...I cry out to you this morning for strength and understanding. What is your plan for me? I feel like I have been pacing for so many years. I don't want to run from your path for me, but I can't see it. Please help me see it. The trees, debris and dirt have long since covered my calling from you. I have let life and all of its pressures corrode my walk with you. It is my prayer Father that with you by my side, I begin to clean this path up and get rid of all that is not of you. I have this undeniable longing to follow you Father, but I am scared that I am not capable of all you have for me. Build me up Father in your Word, help me to discipline my mind, body and soul to put you first everyday as we begin again.

Hast thou not known? Hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? There is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:28-31 KJV.

I have to say..I love this book. Today's devotion was for those experiencing Weariness, which seems to be a major theme for me these days. It is so apparent to me, more than I'd like to admit, just how much I have lost sight of the hand of God upon my life. It is so true that as we as Christians enter into the end of ages with all of its cares and pressures, so shall our increasing desperation for a refreshing in him increase. It is so hard to admit that we are nothing without him. I should say this is hard to accept. What do you mean..I am nothing without you? Who do you think you are? This is a reaction I hear allot. We always think we can do it on our own. But I can say through my own experience that this is not so. I have tried over and over again to do it on my own and like treading in the ocean for hours or days on end, I failed and sank to the bottom of the ocean. Once you know God and have felt him move in your life or even if you like me grew up with him ingrained in your head as a child...you have this foundation or anchor in him that is a hard chain to cut away. It is firmly anchored in him, no matter how far you stray from him..it pulls you back. I have always felt it tugging at me....no matter how much I tried to resist. There is no denying that I get frustrated and irritated when I am not able to do what I need to do, but without him this is what we will become. He needs to be the "source of our lives."
(Yehovah...be all consuming in me..help me to develop a need so strong, that unless I draw close to you..I won't be able to survive..Be my existence each day.I come to you Father, to rest, to be refreshed and anointed.)
Strangely enough, when I think about my life with God thus far, I am always brought back to a old childhood song. You know the one.. " This little light of Mine," but the most important to me is the part that goes, "Hide it under a bushel..NO!..I am going to let it shine." I am surprised at how much this song comes into my head. But I know that God knows it has meaning to me and had even bigger meaning to me when I was a child and his calling was first put into the very depths of my soul. It is a reminder. I was assisting in Sunday school this last Sunday in the 2's & 3's and we sang that song. It really tugged at my heart and convicted my spirit in a surprising way. How powerful this childhood song is! It is so easy to back away from this world that condemns us for our beliefs in the Word of God. The Bible is so relevant to our lives and I know we can't rip out the pages we dislike because its just to hard to live by them. We have made so many exceptions to God's word...when we should not..we are not the author of this Bible..I am amazed that God hasn't shot us all down with lightning bolts as some of us try to rewrite the Word of God to our liking. I am not perfect and am guilty of this very act, but I am striving to not do this and to let God's word resonate within me. I feel we all have our own personal convictions and we shouldn't push those on others. It is so easy to pass judgement on others, but in reality, it is the big guy upstairs that is all knowing and the ultimate one to judge anyone.
Okay...I am done rambling for the morning. Until next time. Sorry if my thoughts were all over the place. But I guess this is the one place we can express and be scattered.