(This is not for the weak at heart. I wrote this for someone very real, who had something very real happen to them.)
The Dark is Real
She shoves her flaws and secrets down in a pit of heavy black paint, hoping she won’t ever see them again. Painful secrets tied to an anchor, sinking to the bottom of the deepest part of the ocean.
She wonders why after all this time are these secrets surfacing in her life. Like someone untied a dozen dead bodies from the bottom of the sea, her secrets emerge, suffocating her charade.
She sees him.
He is not in her thoughts because he is her friend…no he is not a friend.
The sight of him squeezes the breath out of her as she looks away in denial as the truth of what happened to her traps her in a steel room with no escape.
He is not in her thoughts because he is a friend.
He is not in her thoughts because he is a past lover.
He is not in her thoughts because she knows him well.
He is in her thoughts because,
Once upon a time…a girl who was new to the world as a baby being born thought she would venture out to a party with people everywhere. Although she was with her own friends, she got left by herself.
She walked about this party with a drink in hand. She barely touched it because she wasn’t sure of her surroundings and was worried because she couldn’t find anyone she knew.
But…he saw her and he wanted her.
He tried to befriend her, but she didn’t really like him and he didn’t want to accept that.
She was kind and decided to be nice and talk.
She sipped her drink; little did she know that she drank of poison…a poison that would numb her entire being.
Sleep hit her hard, but did not give her mercy or help.
When sleep untied her for a moment…a moment of eternity…the feeling of her body being tied and weighed down by something…something that wouldn’t let her go…what was happening…
She felt her body being thrust back n’ forth…the sound of flesh slapping over and over again rang in her ears like scrapping nails on a chalk board.
She couldn’t move…but she felt and she saw…she saw him…she saw him…his face…never to be forgotten.
He thrust himself into her over and over and over again...throwing her lifeless body around to satisfy his desires.
Kissing…spit….sweat….screaming silently…..she can’t speak…she can’t move….sleep takes her away again, pulling her away from the horror of her reality.
Sleep can't last forever…
She can move…she sees him…he lays their sleeping…naked and disgusting.
Makeup runs downs down her face…her neck covered in marks from his aggression…
She grabs all that she can and runs…runs as far as she can from him…
Wash….washing hard….scratching so hard it hurts….she can’t get him off of her…
She blames herself…she must have done something….something to make him think he could have her…
But she didn’t.
She can’t live like this…she wants to make the pain stop….no one will believe her…she sees what happens to other girls….
She doesn’t want to be one of those other girls…
So she takes her secret…one of many…and buries it in the deepest grave she can find…
She pretends it never happened…she thinks she has forgotten…
Life moves on….finding life is hard to do when you never breathe the same way again.
Time passes…a lot of time.
Years go by, places to live come and go, babies being born, marriages emerging...life continues for her.
Life seems to rush by her…never quite fast enough, she misses the handle to the merry go round over and over again…she keeps trying...
In an average day being an ordinary woman doing common routines she does everyday…life suddenly cracks open…….knocking her to the already shaking ground…
She sees him…a rage of hate and sadness wells up in her eyes, she can feel it surfacing...she swallows it back down ….she stares him down till it hurts her eyes…she can feel his uneasiness as he feels her remembering him, her eyes slapping him across the face…
She falls to her knees when she is alone and cries out for the pain to stop and for the memories to die…She still wants to believe it didn’t happen…its easier that way.
Life continues to torture her as there is nothing anyone can do for her now…too much time has passed by…
She sees him all the time now…sitting in his truck, hiding from her choking stare...
She feels the truth of that night, as if it were yesterday…it forces her to remember that it was real…he is real…what he took from her….he can’t give back….he ruined her
No matter how hard she tried, she was never the same after that night…
There is no justice for her…she waited too long to face her truth…
